How to Turn a Situationship into a Relationship

By: Sam Pirson , August 30, 2024

Have you found yourself on the precipice of asking to have a talk with someone you’re intimate with that includes the dreaded “what are we?” conversation? Or has there never been any distinction about what you’re doing texting all day and sleeping together? You’re likely in a situationship. You’ve never acknowledged what you were both looking for, yet you seem to be going with the flow right into uncharted waters. It’s the lack of definition that defines a situationship.

Two in five adults have found themselves in a situationship. It’s possible more have and just haven’t taken the time to acknowledge what was going on between them and the other person, because a situationship is disguised as a relationship but isn’t one.

Not everyone is concerned with how to turn a situationship into a relationship, and this is largely the problem with them. Typically, participants are on different pages of the relationship. A conversation is worthwhile, but there are also ways you can attempt to go from situationship to relationship without outright asking “what are we?”

What is a situationship vs relationship?

A situationship is a romantic or emotional and physical relationship that lacks clear boundaries, any commitment, or defined expectations. They often exist in the gray area between friendship and a more serious partnership or mimic a serious partnership without acknowledged commitment or investment.

A committed relationship differs from a situationship in that it is a partnership where both individuals actively choose to invest in each other’s well-being and future. It’s characterized by mutual commitment, clear expectations, and aligned, communicated intentions.

Situationships have become increasingly common as societally people put off marriage until later in life, and potential partners are easily accessible across endless dating apps and social media apps. The options are endless and the access is easy. People are less focused on finding the one.

You can separate yourself from the pack in order to avoid finding yourself in one of these lopsided connections. Keep reading to learn how to get out of a situationship and into a relationship.

Signs you're ready to change from situationship to relationship

Beyond the obvious of just knowing you want to be in a relationship with someone, you should pay attention to your natural feelings and impulses to know if you’re ready to turn situationship into relationship status.

When something good or bad happens, they’re the first person you want to reach out to.
You enjoy spending time with them and wish it were more consistent.
You find yourself wanting to prioritize them and their wants and needs.
You’re ready for different types of intimacy beyond just physical.
You want to go out with them in ways that are more obviously a date rather than just hanging out.
You desire clarity on boundaries and their view of the relationship.
You want to introduce them to important people in your life and meet important people in their life.
You don’t know, but want to know if they are seeing anyone else.
You want to know how they see you or feel about you and are unsure.
You want to commit to them.
You think of building a future together.
No one else interests you romantically.
You’re ready to put work into a relationship.

How to turn a situationship into a relationship

Typically, when getting involved with someone, you either knew them before or met them and immediately became romantically involved without any existing connection or friendship before. There’s a little bit more to learn about someone you didn’t have an existing friendship with before. Whereas with someone you are friends with, you’ll have to learn to communicate and connect with them in new ways.

Try hanging out in different, more date-like settings: Rather than just watching movies together or hanging out at one another’s homes, try catching a movie or going out to dinner. However, make it a point to make it a little more special and a little less casual.
Try light PDA: This can start as simple as light touches on the arm or thigh to holding hands or a gentle touch of their face.
Communicate emotional desires and offer emotional support: Consider your wants and needs outside of the bedroom and communicate them. Invite them to something special to support you. Try to extend emotional support to them. Meet their challenges with curiosity and ask what they need.
Be affectionate in different ways: Rather than just complimenting their physical appearance, body or things regarding sex, praise other special things you see in them like how they care about their friends or how they push you to see different perspectives.
Build trust: Work on building a foundation of trust by being reliable, supportive, and transparent in your interactions.
Address any concerns: If there are any doubts or issues, discuss them openly. Addressing concerns early can prevent misunderstandings and help build a stronger relationship.
Set clear expectations: Define what you both want and expect from the relationship. This includes discussing exclusivity, future goals, and boundaries.

Turning a situationship into a relationship as friends

Turning a situationship into a relationship from a friendship can be challenging because oftentimes one (or both parties) wants to protect the friendship.

Communicate your value in them as a person rather than putting a title on what you’re doing currently – friendship, friend with benefits, situationship, or romantic relationship.
Check in about doing things together that are more date-like that can’t be easily misconstrued as just friends doing things.
Positively reaffirm romantic or relationship-y things they do or say with appreciation.
Let them know your feelings may be changing and you’re interested in exploring a relationship beyond simply the friendship and hooking up.

Turning a situationship into a relationship as new connections

The biggest thing you’ll want to do on the road from situationship to relationship is learn more about what they’re like to be in a relationship with because you don’t have this background of a friendship for context.

Ask them what they like to do with partners within a relationship.
Get curious about their friends and family. Propose meeting their friends.
Ask them about things that may be important to you in a partner like how they handle conflict or communicating when they’re hurt.
Talk to them about what they’re looking for in a partner.
Try to learn more about them outside the context of just your situation.

When to walk away from a situationship

Unfortunately, some situationships exist because two people want two different things from the connection. One may be compromising or overlooking their boundaries to stay in the connection in hopes it’ll develop into something more aligned with what they want, while the other is employing the old adage, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.”

If you find you are on diametrically different pages in terms of what you are doing, the status of the relationship, and what a future looks like between you both, it may be time to hit the road. This can look like consistent inconsistency or mixed signals, them outright saying they’re not ready to commit (regardless of what their actions say), or a lack of consideration for your feelings or desires. Situationships typically don’t have boundaries, and if you find these things within your situation, it’s time to establish and reinforce boundaries and walk out the door.

Find your next relationship

Some situationships extend beyond the gray area and uncommunicated desires and shift into clarity and a committed relationship while others don’t.

While it may have simply been the person, it may also be that you’re ready to look for a partner, and finding one who is on the same page about what they want in a committed relationship is your best bet. To avoid getting caught in an unwanted situationship and being concerned about how to turn a situationship into a relationship, start with establishing what you’re looking for with yourself, and then go out and look for that. Sign up for Instabang.com and meet new people that are on the same page.